it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
