Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
