I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
