Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
