I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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