I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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