He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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