dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
