Jerry, you need to find god
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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