i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
