You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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