i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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