i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
