my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
