is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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