make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
