So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize