I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
