I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
