i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
