I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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