Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
