when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize