he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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