my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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