I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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