Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
