Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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