this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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