I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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