Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
