so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
