I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
