After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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