He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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