I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
