Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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