By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
