I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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