your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize