So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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