the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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