i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
