Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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