you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
