it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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