i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I deserve this hangover.
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