i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My feet surprised me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
