My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
