Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
