Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
