If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
