Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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