my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
