We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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