so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
