I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
