Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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