He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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