Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
