Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
