Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize