Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
