good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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