Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
