I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
