New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
