you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
