when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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