she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
