youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
