Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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