I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
