I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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